


Hannibal's Monologue

by porcelainclown



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Crying Hannibal Lecter, M/M, Season 1, Series 1, Suicide Attempt, Vulnerable Hannibal Lecter, Will Finds Out, Work Inspired by Other Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27057793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porcelainclown/pseuds/porcelainclown
Summary: S1 AU where Hannibal and Will become partners. Will finds out and tries to kill himself in Hannibal's bathroom. This is Hannibal's reaction.Story inspired by Hannibal's potential perspective in "When a Heart Breaks" by Endellion.Edit: Story now has additional chapters and somewhat of a plot. There will most likely be 4 chapters in total max.
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 5
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Restricted Work] by [Endellion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endellion/pseuds/Endellion). Log in to view. 



"Will? Are you feeling alright?" Hannibal says after gently knocking on the bathroom door. 

Suddenly, during one of their regular dinners together, Will had shot up and rushed to the restroom. Hannibal, being the _caring boyfriend_ he is, followed him. 

He hears and smells vomiting. He clears his throat and pretends he did not. He assumes this is a symptom of encephalitis. 

"If you're not feeling well, I can wrap your dinner up for you to take home"

He hears some dry heaving, then silence. He winces, trying not to acknowledge to himself how adverse he feels to the others pain. 

"Will? Are you alright?"

Still no response. 

"What's going on?"

He stood there in silence. With any other guest this would be an awkward situation he would swipe through his mind to find a professional way of dealing with, but with Will...

Hannibal couldn't help that his heart suddenly beat quicker, anxious at the unresponsiveness of the man in the bathroom.

"Are you alright in there on your own?"

He hears a drawer open, some clattering of objects. Is Will dissociating? Did he receive a call that made him sick

Everything is off, something has changed.

Then it finally occurs to Hannibal.

_Will knows._

"Will, speak to me." He tries to command, not letting his voice shake though it wants to. 

"Will?"

He hears skin tearing. 

" _Will!_ Open the door!" He pounds on the door. 

He smells blood.

"Will- _please!_ Let me help you!" He finds himself begging, slamming his body into the door to force it open. His mind is racing. He doesn't want to process the situation further than he must at the moment, all he can focus on is getting to Will.

He slams into the door a few more times before cursing his own home's stability. 

On unstable feet he finds himself running to his toolbox to find a hammer. He doesn't fully register what he's doing until he is slamming it into the door, once, twice, over and over again. The wood dents, splinters, cracks, and finally there is a gaping hole big enough for him to fit his hand through to unlock the door. 

He drops the hammer and rushes in.

He finds Will, slumped over the toilet, wrists torn open by a pair of tweezers still stuck in one arm. Hannibal involuntarily lets out a whimper. Will's eyes look lifeless, and though Hannibal assesses he is still conscious, he knows he may not be for long. 

"Will, _Will_ ," He grabs two hand towels in a rush, pricy tokens of lavishness he never would have considered using to clean up blood before now. 

"Will, darling, I need you to stay with me." He kneels beside him and cups his face with one shaky hand, noticing the blood dribbling from his lips. He had dreamed many times of Will's mouth overflowing with blood, but never like this. _Never_ like this. 

He grits his teeth and pulls the tweezers out of Will's arm before swaddling it in a towel and moving to the next. 

"William, _please_ don't close your eyes," He begged, not able to concentrate on keeping the tears out of his own. He drew Will closer to him with one arm and used the other to grab his phone from his back pocket, dialing 911 as quick as he could with one shaking hand.

"My-my partner just tried to kill himself" Oh god, _Will had tried to kill himself_ , and it was _Hannibal's fault_ , "both of his wrists are bleeding profusely, he is no longer conscious,"

He could barely process anything, panic bringing whitenoise to drown his head, but he assumed he was asked for an address. 

"1901 Light Street, Baltimore Maryland, 21230. Reddish brown roof with a Volvo Station Wagon parked in the front."

More responses he could barely process, something of an affirmation and another question. He didn't have time for questions.

"Please, come quickly."

He hung up the phone. He wrung his hand over his face and let out a shaky wail. 

"William, I'm so sorry," He tried to be as gentle as possible as he held him closer. His mind's eye focused on the blood on Will's lips. Will had let him kiss those lips before. Beautiful, genius, suspicious and distrustful Will had been vulnerable to him, had _trusted_ him.

"I am at a loss for how to fix this, I am so sorry," He ran his shaking hands through Will's hair, as he had done on nights before as they layed in bed. Nights where Will let himself be held. Night where Hannibal had fed them victims. Nights where Hannibal had fostered his growing disease. 

  
  


"Please, my sweet William, don't die,"

He cardled his torso in his arms and tucked his head on Will's shoulder, giving into the urge to sob. "I never should have interfered with your life. I never wanted this." He sobbed. He had never felt regret before, not like this. Guilt and regret consumed him. Everything he had done before seemed so stupid when suddenly faced with the consequences. 

He brought his hand up to Will's neck again, checking for a pulse that was still barely there. When he felt it he let out a sigh of relief and rested their foreheads together. "My sweet mongoose, I love you, please hold on,"

Hannibal knew two things were true. Will would surely tell the police what he knew when he woke, and Will couldn't die. 

Hannibal had never expected to be in this position- but as it is, he cannot kill the man who found him out as he has killed so many others. Even though this is surely the end of the life he lives now in Baltimore, he cannot bring himself to let his beloved die just to prolong it. 

Whispering love into Will's ear, he decides on his escape plan. He sets Will down gently, running to grab his things- checking Will's pulse again, unlocking the door for the emergency responders to get in, checking Will's pulse again. 

He hears the sirens. "Goodbye, William." He kisses Will's forehead and leaves out the back just before the ambulance arrives at his home.

  
  
  
  



	2. Hannibal's Mourning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal is somewhere in Europe keeping tabs on will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay second chapter! I had originally planned on editing and fixing up the first chapter more before I posted this plus doing some more editing on this chapter, but I cannot resist. I have the worst self control... hopefully I will do that when I post the next chapter :)

Hannibal inhales slowly, exhaling with equal control as he tries to calm his anger. In front of him sits an open laptop viewing tattlecrime.com and a specific article about will graham. He reads it and is not sure who he angers at more; Ms.Lounds, for revealing so much of Will’s personal info, or himself, for causing this. 

Will was comatose for a few days. Ms.Lounds had released her first article then, mostly glossing over the suicide in favor of detailing what the FBI had allegedly found in Hannibal's home. The knowledge that Will may not live, may not wake up, made Hannibal regret not staying and making sure he was alright. Another regret to add on to the many. He stayed in a hotel close to the airport instead of moving to one of his previously bought escape homes in case he felt the situation dire enough to return to see Will again one last time before he no longer could.

Fortunately, a few days later Ms.Lounds published an article detailing his awakening. Apparently his lethargy and perhaps pain medication had made him a lot more friendly and open, though it was noted multiple times that he started sniffling or crying. Hannibal ached to return just to hold him and soothe him. How he regretted not being there for him constantly in the past. So many missed opportunities to be a better partner, opportunities he forced himself to scoff at until it was so late.  _ You caused this _ , his brain delightfully reminded him.  _ You forced this suffering on him. _

The article also covered the hospital's diagnosis of encephalitis. Freddie made a point of wondering if this contributed Will's reasoning. Will's willingness to date Hannibal, Will's inability to catch Hannibal beforehand, and finaly his suicide attempt, all seemed out of character for the agent. Hannibal sees this as putting will in a more favorable light, so he supposed he must be greatful. 

He decided he was still much angrier with himself than he was with Ms.Lounds. 

Hannibal had realised he had no idea where to go from there. There was no reason not to resume business as usual with the help of a stolen or fake identity, and this was always his backup plan for if things went sour, yet this brings absolutely no appeal to him. The thought of killing only brings to mind Will's seemingly lifeless body, his limp form, the blood pouring from his wrists and pooling around the bathroom floor. The dead eyes he saw when he attempted to wake Will up. Hannibal was fairly sure he wouldn't be able to kill again, as he was now and perhaps even forever. He had been changed much more than he thought possible, having previously mentally placed himself on a higher level than the rest of humanity; unreachable and ethereal, in the stars, he saw himself to be untouchable. Now he was less than a mere man, crawling and begging at the feet of the one to yank him from his high heaven down to reality. 

It had been a few weeks since the second article. A third had come out, detailing a recovery plan for his encephalitis and that he had dodged going to the mental hospital by citing his brain illness as the primary cause of his suicidal thoughts. The article featured a photo of Will, now home, softly and tiredly smiling on his bed with his dogs surrounding him. 

Hannibal envied Will's dogs with a silent rage. 

Freddie and Will appeared to be closer, what with letting her into his house and even genuinely smiling in her direction. Hannibal envied her as well now, salt in the wound of showing how far he has sunken for his darling Will. He supposed it was his own fault, and if he wanted Will he had to play by the rules of normal humans, rules he had failed to accept in time. 

Hannibal thought back to Mischa. What happened to her had begun Hannibal's ascension to a mindset where he was higher than all, not affected by morals and not subject to guilt; one that let him block out any regrets or emotions that caused him to hurt. It was only fair that the threat of losing someone equally as important is what finally brought him down. He was slowly sinking as he stayed with Will, but he fell as if weights were tied to his feet when he saw Will in the bathroom. 

Now settled in his safe house, Hannibal had drawn a large amount of cash out and was idly working on connections to pull to create a legally strong fake identity. Though he knew he could not risk meddling in Will's life again, he felt the tug constantly to help him. He didn't know how he would do so even if he could. To hold him, to dote on him, to pay his bills and take care of him. To apologize and grovel at his feet. He wanted to return to Will and do all of these things so badly , but he knew he would not. He had caused Will enough suffering and could not risk losing him again if his reaction to Hannibal was similar.

Hannibal's phone vibrated, startling him from his contemplation. He could think of little reason he should be receiving a text- perhaps it was a stray notification. 

He checked the screen to see it was a text from Bedelia. He had specifically kept in contact with his former therapist as a means of keeping himself updated on what he could not witness in the states. She was a useful asset, and though she may only be complying for fear of Hannibal revealing her secret, he knew she wouldn't rat him out. He also knew she was somewhat fond of him, as he was her, no matter what he was. She was most likely the closest thing he had to a friend, other than... 

He swiped open the phone to view the texts, never turning on the setting that would let you see the content of messages on the home screen. 

_ He is looking for you. _

Hannibal read it and gulped. He knew who she was talking about, of course, but he still wanted to verify. There was only one “he” that Hannibal cared about. Still, she may have meant angry uncle Jack. Even if it was Will, why would he look for him? Was he enraged on a mission of vengeance? Detached and only looking at the behest of the FBI? Lonely and missing his love?

Before he could respond, the phone buzzed again. 

_ I've heard his plan is to visit the places you've lived in Europe. Though I can't say for sure, I think he misses you. _

Hannibal's breath hitched. Could his Will still miss him? He stared at the texts, mind straying to impossible scenarios of Will running back into his arms, of teacups coming back together and opportunities missed being brought back. 

He pursed his lips. If Will was looking for him, he would not make it hard. Though he did not yet ask Bedelia where her information came from and his could very likely be a trap, he still wanted to take the chance in case it wasn't. He wouldn't assign Will to a wild goose chase to find him, he would wait at the first place Will would look.

It was time to pay Chiyoh a visit, it seemed.

**Author's Note:**

> If you see any grammatical, spelling, continuity or other errors, please let me know! You would be doing me a huge favor! 
> 
> Prompt suggestions are very appreciated :)


End file.
